J

I guess in a way I need to sort some thoughts out. When I left R I felt confident and pretty good about myself. I was strong and I was ready for a new life. S came along and what I thought I was getting wasn't what I got. I was torn down to nothing. I was left with nothing but a black soul and a shattered heart. Its taken a lot time to pick up the pieces. Putting them back together is never easy, but right now I actually feel like i'm whole again. I think in a way F kind of helped me get myself together. He did some shitty stuff to me, but I made it through just fine. Now J comes along. J to me is like no man I have ever actually known. He's a gentleman, he even gets out of the car and comes around to open the door for me. No one does that anymore, but he does. He tells me everyday how pretty and how beautiful I am. He even went to the extent of typing U R BEAUTIFUL one letter in each text to me before I went to sleep last night. He randomly tells me things like he wants a hug or he wants to hold me or play with my hair. He helps me think positive and helps me change all the negativity around me to positive thoughts in my head. When I'm with him the rest of the world doesn't exist because I am in complete bliss. I don't know what is going to happen, and I don't know what this is. But there is something there with J. We have something, I'm just not sure what it is yet. It is different than I have ever experienced. Whatever it is that we have I really like. And no matter the outcome I will be happy as long as he is in my life. There are sparks between us and he's even said so himself. Something is there, we are just taking it day by day and letting things happen however they happen. But what is most important is that he is here for me and encouraging me to achieve my goals and to do the things I want to do. Its like he thinks I have it all figured out. He likes that I have a plan and that I have goals and he likes that I work so hard on my goals. He likes that I am taking control of my life and doing what is right for me. There is just something about him that feels so right. Something about him that makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. I hope that one day we get to figure out what it is that we have and follow through accordingly. Taking it slow as we can is the best option. And I know in some ways things are moving fast, but in others ways it is still moving slow. I guess we are just feeling out our own pace of what happens in this chapter. This is only chapter 1 of the new start I am making. I have finally learned to just write it as I go. Let things just happen as they are meant to happen. What more can I do really....