On March 13... 24 days from now I am set to have bariatric surgery. I have been working the past 10 months to get to this point, and I have absolutely no emotions what so ever about the day being so close and coming so fast. The doctor decided he wanted me to get the sleeve instead of the lap band, and I'm pretty sure that is what I am going to go with. I was doing a pros and cons list and trying to really figure out what I wanted, but even if I didn't want the sleeve there is still a chance that is what I'll have to get. The biggest thing is that with the band I will only lose maybe 50% of my weight where with the sleeve I can lose up to 70% of my weight and I'd much rather lose 70% if not more. I want more than anything to just lose as much weight as possible so I can feel better and be happier. I just hope I won't look gross and scary.
The one thing that scares me the most about this whole thing is that I have to give up everything, and addiction runs in my genes. I am scared that because I have to give up everything that can be addictive (smoking, food, caffeine, soda, sugar, and everything bad) that I will end up being so addicted to losing weight that i'll end up anorexic or something. I don't think I will, but what if I become so obsessed with losing weight that it consumes my life even more than it is supposed to.
In a week I start my liquid diet. That will last for 18 days and the day after the last day of the liquid part will be surgery and then i'll have liquid diet for another 2 weeks and then work my way up to solid foods.
I'm just so thankful to have some of the support that I have from good friends and an awesome boyfriend. I can't wait to start really losing weight and have an easier time hiking with J.
I know I am scared about surgery, but excited too. It's just that right now I am numb. Completely numb to the entire thing. I know soon it will kick in and I won't feel so numb anymore. I know I'll be alright and I will make it through all this and everything will be super amazing. I just need to get to surgery and past surgery so I can start making awesome progress.
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