Survival of the fittest????

I'm not really sure what to think right now. I'm pretty lost and confused in my own head. Things have been pretty crazy here. My bro's gf is staying here temporarily. It's not so bad, her daughter is pretty well behaved, but has more energy than I can even remember having. My sis brings the baby over often, so that's nice but I get distracted. My computer crashed the other day and i lost everything. Now I'm having problems getting Microsoft office to download. It's kinda frustrating. I need this stuff for school and I can't get it to work.

I'm back to smoking the happy stuff every chance I get. I'd rather be baked than feel anything at all. It's what gets me through the day. I know that's a bad thing, but I don't care really. I really need to find my motivation again. I'm slacking on everything. I have so many things I need to be doing to get to where I want to be, but yet I just don't have that desire anymore to get it done.

Getting the weight loss surgery is the biggest decision I have ever had to make, and probably will ever have to make. however, I'm still doing it regardless of any anxiety that comes my way. Getting my gallbladder removed was horrible, I can't imagine how this is going to go.

Ya know I have been through a hell of a lot of shit in my short time on this earth, but for some reason I can't get the motivation to teach myself to feel better. A friend just told me to remember that I am a survivor, and she's absolutely right. I have to remember that but most importantly I have to make myself believe that. No matter what I go through I will survive. I have made it this far, I can make it to the finish line.

There's that saying about survival of the fittest....To be that survivor I have to get to the finish line. I have to prove some people wrong. I have to show them I can make it. I can succeed at all the things I want to do.

Idk......