Why is it so difficult to give up the one you loved the most, even when they are the one to hurt you the most. I really think that if I saw him in person I would feel the exact way I feel when I see my ex in person.....disgusted. But I think the distance makes it so difficult to feel that way. I almost wanna take a trip out there see him and see how i really do feel inside.
I know I cannot be with him because of my family. And if I were to be with him I would have to live there and never see my family. I have a new niece to watch grow up and spoil the hell out of. Why would I give that up, when I may never have my own kids. Since we knew about her I said she would be my side kick. I was there when she was born. I already have a bond and connection with her.
Tonight she was such a cranky baby, but I was the one who could keep her fairly calm. She slept on me off and on and only fussed a little bit. We chilled in my room and listened to music together and she fell asleep listening to it with me. I didn't have that kind of connections with my other nieces and nephews, because I was so young when they were born. The niece I was the closest to is the one the ex ruined my relationship with. Most of the time I can't be around her unless i'm "numb".
But my baby niece likes spending time with her auntie. She's always pretty chill when we hang out. And usually always falls asleep on me at some point. She likes to lay half on her side and half on her tummy in your arm and have her back patted and be slightly rocked when she goes to sleep. And always has her piglet binky.
I just don't think any man is worth the experience I could have watching that little girl grow up and be my little side kick.
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