I have such mixed feelings about this whole situation. I hate him and don't want to be with him. Yet there is still that part of me that loves him and wishes things were different. I know that nothing can change how things are, because I refuse to be with someone who would go after a minor. It makes me sick. But at times its hard for me to forget the good times. A part of me wants those few good times back. I know that the good does not outweigh the bad, but I'm just so torn apart that I can't figure out how to fix it all.
Being a psychology major I shouldn't have a problem getting through this, but for some reason it is easier for me to apply what I learn to others instead of myself. Someway, somehow I need to figure out how to help myself. I need to figure out how to be happy. I need my reason to be on this earth. I pray every night for either death or a reason to live. I haven't found that reason yet. I hope someday soon I have the opportunity to figure it out.
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