Had my meds changed, well one of them. I'm doing better than I was. I'm not so ready to give up on everything anymore. But I am really sick of being alone. I wish I could just find someone decent; someone who is right for me. It's these kind of days that make me miss him the most. The days where I wish things would have been different.
It's also the thoughts that scare me. I'm afraid I'll never feel for anyone else like I did him. I'm afraid I'll never have a connection with anyone like I did him. I didn't have any connection at all with F. It was like I was using him for sex. I was hurt when I found out he had a gf, but it was kind of a relief. I didn't want to be stuck with him. I feel like I will feel that way with every guy now.
Sometimes I'm perfectly okay with just staying single for the rest of my life. Sometimes its like I wouldn't change it, but then I have these lonely days. Where I want someone there. Maybe I just need someone not serious, but someone I can just be with when I feel this way. I don't know I'm so completely confused. I can't figure myself out right now.
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