lost

There is something about J that I really like so far. He knows what I look like (full body) and he just told me today "you are so freaking pretty I want to tell you I love you but I better not" I told him that it was much too soon and would mean more if he said it not through text. He knows what my goals are as far as getting surgery and he told me that he wants to be there for me and help me succeed in my goal. He wants to help me reach my goals. I have never known a guy who wanted to be so supportive in what I want in life. It means a lot.

He is super sweet and says all the right things. Which doesn't really mean anything because many guys do and turn into assholes later on. He just actually seems real to me. I haven't come across any red flags yet which is good. But who knows. We are talking about meeting and I really want to. I want to meet and see how things go. Take things slow and not screw up like I did last time. He's a bit older than what I'm used to, but who knows it could be what I need. Someone who may actually be a mature guy. That would be nice. I'm sure i'm just dreaming though.

On another note....I had a dream I was going on a date with L. That was weird, but could be because I talked to him a few times. His niece passed away after fighting for her life for 9 days. He told me about it and we talked for a little bit, but that was it. Its not like there is anything going on there but I think feelings are still there. It's hard talking to him and not having the feelings.


I'm just so lost these days. I want too much that I can't have. So maybe checking out what I can have and see how it goes. J is cute and funny and sweet and I do like him. I don't know that I feel more than like for him, but I'm willing to find out.